The Castle of the Caretaker
by Muad-Dib the Mouse
Summary: For the Random Writing Challenge. In a feudal-style Wizarding world, who will prevail? Will Harry destroy the Caretaker and regain Kent? Will Draco overcome his fear of the cats? Read to find out...
1. Chapter 1

Draco knelt, transfixed with fear as Harry Potter walked up to him. He kept his face cold, though, careful not to show emotion. As Harry arrived, he bowed his head. Saw the silver glint, the rubies nearly glowing. Harry raised his sword, the sword of Gryffindor, and brought it down upon each of Draco's shoulders. Draco arose as Harry spoke.

'Draco, you knelt a Death Eater. Now you arise as Sir Draci.'

'Draci? Is that honestly the name you picked for me, sire?'

'Well, as you can certainly tell, I am holding a sword. You would do best to address me as 'My liege' and not question my namings. Now, come back here and you'll receive a weapon.' Harry led Sir Draci over to a cabinet in the back of the great, circular room and opened it. Looked at the wide array of weapons for a long time. He finally stopped searching, and brought down a flail, handed it to Sir Draci.

'Wasn't this…the flail of Dobby the Great? I am honoured, my liege.'

'As you should be. Dobby was a great warrior; it's too bad he hit himself with this flail too many times. He would have been ferocious on the battlefield, which was actually demonstrated at the Battle of Ottery St. Catchpole…what a sad morning that was…but now, Sir Draci! We go to the fields of Kent to reclaim the Castle of the Caretaker!'

'But, that is the most powerful enemy castle standing! They even have…dare I say it…cats!' Sir Draci shuddered, though his face remained blank.

'Come on, man! You've got to be fearless! Get over your fear! You can kill the cats!' Sir Draci began to breathe heavily.

'Okay, then, I think I'm ready.'

'Very well. I shall alert Sir Ronaldo and Lady Hermy to our attack. Tomorrow morning sounds good, right? Then once they are told, I shall also get Sires Nelf and Vick!

'I shall see you tomorrow, my liege.' And Sir Draci left after a quick bow. Harry remained and began reviewing plans to assault the castle. A mouse to distract the vicious cats of the castle. A mouse…where could they find one? Harry sat there for several minutes, thinking. Then, he jumped up, scaring his noble Hawking Hawk, the magnificent Herdwing. She flew out the window, leaving Harry, who promptly ran out of the room, jumped on his thestral, and began to fly.

After an hour of hard flying, Harry's thestral landed in front of the door to the castle of the noble Lady Muggly. He went up and knocked on the great doors. A servant answered.

'Hello, noble King Harry, I am afraid that my Lady is sleeping as of now. Is it urgent enough that she be woken up?'

'Yes, this is terribly sorry.' The servant began leading him up the stairs silently, and after a few minutes of walking, they arrived at an ornately carved golden door. The servant opened it, and Harry saw Lady Muggly sleeping. The servant shook her, and when she finally woke up, she looked angry.

'What did I say about waking me up in the middle of the night like this?! Only for extremely urgent thi-' At this point, she noticed Harry standing there, and she instantly got up, all anger gone.

'My king! What brings you here so late?'

'Well, we are assaulting the Castle of the Caretaker tomorrow, and…what? Why are you looking at me like that?' Lady Muggly was looking at him angrily. Very angrily.

'You know very well that you can't assault that castle yet! Just think! All those…cats!' Harry sighed wearily.

'Yes, that is why I came here. I figured the best way would be to distract the cats, that's why I need Miley the Mouse.' Lady Muggly just looked dumbfounded at this.

'But…but some nice Muggles wanted them for…err…genectlic experimentals? Something along those lines. But you can't go! I'll bind you!'

'Lady Muggly, you are a powerful witch, but I am afraid that you are no match for me. Miley the Mouse is the only thing which will help us take Kent back! Think of it! The Dark Lord Minor Filch, gone! Then we can begin focusing on the bigger Dark Lords, like Hagrid the Cruel, or Seamus the Unjust!'

'But if you need so much help with the Caretaker, then how will you take down those larger Dark Lords?

'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Now, please give me Miley the Mouse. I hate to play this card-well, actually I love it-but I am the king. Give me the Mouse.' Lady Muggly gave out a short cry and began crawling under her bed. Harry watched absentmindedly as she withdrew, holding a large snare filled with a Muggle delicacy known as the butter of peanuts. Harry had tried it once; he wasn't a big fan. Lady Muggly loved her Muggle delicacies, though. Within the snare was Miley the Mouse. Lady Muggly held her up, releasing her from the snare and handing her to Sir Harry.

'Thank you my lady, though I must be off.' And with a bow and a flourish, he left the castle, riding his thestral towards the castle of Sir Ronaldo and Lady Hermy.


	2. Chapter 2

'Lady Hermy, did you ever wonder…King Harry has been our noble friend since…well, I don't remember when. But don't you feel like he isn't giving us what we deserve?' Lady Hermy stared at Sir Ronaldo for a second, then broke into a nonstop, very fast and VERY annoying tone.

'Well, Sir Ronaldo, you know how he's the king and everything, and I think we have enough to get by, and I can provide everything we need, and then there are our war spoils. And our servants and cooks and maids and hawkers and other various staff.' She said this all in several seconds, not pausing for breath once.

'Very well, Lady Hermy.' Suddenly the flames within the fireplace became emerald, and Lady Hermy screamed, but ceased once King Harry stepped out of the fire.

'My liege, I thought that a _commoner_ was coming through that fire. Or even worse, an enemy!' King Harry barely glanced at her, moving his wand around and casting various charms and spells. Lady Hermy and Sir Ronaldo glanced at each other, knowing that the news must be bad if he was casting all of the possible anti-eavesdropping spells.

'Lady Hermy, Sir Ronaldo.' Both acknowledged their king with a quickly muttered, 'My liege.'

'We are in a dire situation. Last week, Sir Morphington fell in battle. We are still hunting Lady Lestrange for that, though we shall focus our efforts on something else for now: the Castle of the Caretaker.' Lady Hermy gasped, and Sir Ronaldo gave King Harry a look which plainly said 'What the hell?!'

'It shall be me, you two, Sir Draci, for he was knighted today, Anthony the Bold, Sir Nelf and Sir Vick! We shall be unstoppable!' Sir Ronaldo scowled at the mention of Sir Vick. He had never forgotten how the foreign knight had attempted to woo Lady Hermy. She was the first to speak up, voicing what was clearly on Sir Ronaldo's mind.

'My liege, what about the…cats?' Sir Ronaldo got up and went to the window, gripping the edge as tightly as he could. King Harry thought he heard him muttering to himself, but he ignored it.

'I went to the castle of Lady Muggly and retrieved Miley the Mouse. She shall distract the cats while we storm the castle.

'And when the cats realise what we are up to?' Sir Ronaldo began leaning on the edge of the window, muttering to himself more loudly.

'Then we fight for our lives.' Harry left the two standing in silence and entered the fireplace-after throwing in some Floo powder, of course, and returned to his castle. He walked up to his study and began to write two letters, one for Sir Vick and one for Sir Nelf. When he was done, he gestured for Herdwing to come down, and attached the letters to her leg while she waited patiently. When she finally flew out the window, Harry muttered 'Godspeed, Herdwing.' and went to his armoury to prepare.


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey everyone, Erik here; the chapters have been getting steadily smaller, but I hope to bring that back around with the battle scene._

* * *

The Dark Lord Minor, Filch, sat upon his throne, surrounded by his cats. He was stroking one absentmindedly, when the flap opened and General Norris slipped in. The Caretaker instantly got up, throwing the cat in his lap to the ground. It hissed and ran off towards the kitchens. He walked up to General Norris.

'What is it, my sweet?' She looked at him and meowed, very meaningfully. Then she turned around and went back through the flap. He opened the door and began to follow her, up to the tallest tower of the Castle. He saw his informant, Lady Pince standing there, gazing across the fields of Kent.

'Lady Pince, 'tis an honour, as always.' He grasped her wrist and bent down to gently kiss her hand.

'My Lord, King Harry and his minions are attacking tomorrow morning!' Filch walked over to the rampart, rested his hand on one of the battlements.

'My Lady, they shall not attack, not when we have all these cats! I mean, General Norris by herself is more than a match for about three of those pathetic knights!' General Norris purred and rubbed herself against the Caretaker's leg.

'Yes, but when King Harry himself enters the fray? They have only sustained such heavy casualties due to his convenient absence…not to mention that wretched Sir Ronaldo…' The Caretaker sighed, clearly ready to tell Lady Pince something she should know already.

'At the battle of the Castle of Lady Muggly…King Harry was there…it was a victory on their part, but a pyrrhic victory for them it was!'

'Yes, but…Lord…Sir Ronaldo and Lady Hermy weren't there, correct? She is an incredible skilled witch, for one of _lesser-commoner_ blood. However, we should be able to take her. Have you fixed your wand yet?' The Caretaker suddenly looked quite nervous and eager to change the subject.

'Errr, no I have not. It's still, errr…in the shop.' Lady Pince shook her head, and walked past him through the door leading to the rest of the castle. The Caretaker stayed, much as he had found Lady Pince, gazing across the fields of Kent.

* * *

_Yes, that thing that Lady Pince said was a slur about Hermione's Muggleborn-ness, for anyone who didn't catch that. And Anthony the Bold is Anthony Goldstein, Sir Nelf is Neville and Sir Vick is Krum (though that should be fairly obvious). I would like to thank Tonksie for the idea to use Anthony! And the Caretaker's wand isn't broken; he just doesn't want to let Lady Pince know that he's a squib._

_Is there any other way to do endnotes on here other than creating a line and typing them in and stuff? Tell me in a review! Make me happy =D  
_


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